Megan and I have been friends for 20 years. This is a case of two people randomly being thrown together, opposites attract, and becoming the best of friends for life. :) Thanks, Meg!
Making new adult friends isn’t always easy…
I’m not talking about acquaintances. I’m talking about a true friend who you feel completely comfortable being yourself with. Someone you can goof off with, have fun with, be serious with, and can behave like a complete dork and idiot around without worrying about what they think. Someone you can share your innermost deep thoughts and feelings with knowing that they will not share your information with others or judge you, even if they don’t agree with you. Mutual respect and honesty are present.
A true friend is a part of your “team”. You want what is best for each other and you want each other to thrive and be happy. You don’t compete with each other and you always have each other’s back. You bring out the best and funniest in each other, but you feel safe enough to be at your lowest in their presence.
A real friend is someone who will not maliciously talk shit about you, but she may talk smack to your face.
It is someone who cares enough to tell you when they are upset with you, so that issues can be resolved. Uncomfortable topics are discussed; not swept under the carpet to fester or be ignored. A friend is someone who does not suddenly disappear from your life forever. It is someone, you know deep down, whom you can count on—no matter what. You may not talk for days, weeks, or even months, and things are not always perfect between you, but you know that you are solidly connected. It takes time to get to that place.
I’m not interested shallow relationships. My desire for intimacy and mutual understanding in relationships has led to me having a small eclectic mix of trusted friends. I like it that way. Those friendships are very special to me.
Meeting new friends like that, as an adult or a transplant from another state or country, can be challenging. I’ve spoken to many women about this topic, and the unofficial poll results seems to be that meeting new acquaintances as an adult is easy, but making new real friends with depth is a challenge. Do you think that’s true?
When we meet someone as an adult, many different factors play a role into whether or not the new acquaintance becomes a true friend.
You may see a woman several times…you both smile, there is chitchat and small talk, you enjoy each other, you may share a few stories, books, recipes, and shopping, event, or childcare information. You may wonder–Would I feel comfortable fully expressing myself to this person? Do I want to? Will I be able to trust her? Will our husbands get along? Does that matter? Do the kids get along? Does it matter that they go to different schools? Is she a nice-to-your-face and talk-about-you-behind-your-back type of woman who cares about labels, social ladders, cliques, and being connected to “important” people? If so, I disengage as fast as I can. Who wants to invite that in your life…I want genuine authentic relationships that are not tainted by nonsense—at least it’s nonsense to me. More