Sarah is the Crazed Lady behind Spiritual Momma. She is a life coach, blogger, mother, recovering 12 step-er, and junkie for living happy, joyous, and free!
Those who know me personally know I have a solid marriage built on genuine love, care and effort. My husband is a rare breed of man, one who exhibits fanatic kindness, empathy, concern, and compassion for others. He and I are in fact polar opposites in many ways but somehow, we meet in the middle creating a wonderful balance and harmony. I think when all is said and done we both understand and seek to better ourselves first so that we can help one another and our family.
As with any relationship, shit happens. Assumptions are made and tainted perspectives completely skew the filter in which we create our reality from. Last night I experienced this with my husband. He’d been traveling for a short time, returned to an immediate task, kids jumping for joy to see him and me filled with my own personal excitement to share. I could sense the underlying tension or stress he came home with–immediately sparking a bottomless insecurity within me.
One sentence sent me into outer space: he said, “I have a few things to talk to you about when I’m ready”.
Clearly, he has the right to communicate when he feels good and ready. But the fear that immediately sets in and takes over like wildfire is so utterly destructible. Here I was feeling insecure, scared, and worried. Worried that my partner didn’t love me anymore, had an affair, lost his job… whatever story I made up in my head- they all hurt, incredibly bad.
I instantly go into anger and self-protection. I started brainstorming of ways to become self-sufficient, bracing myself for our separation. Mind you… all of this over a simple sentence. I wanted to hurt him with my words. But, this was a lie, I really wanted him to share with me what he needed to talk about… but I wanted it on my terms (you know, my way or the highway). Instead of lashing out I walked away… took a moment to gather myself and get clarity of the mind. I sat down and did The Work on my distressing thoughts: “My husband isn’t supportive, caring, or enthusiastic” and “My husband should do a better job of communicating with me”. Can you see the toxicity of the stories I hold invade and pervert my relationship?
We ended up discussing what he had been concerned about and big surprise… it was none of those things I had imagined. My mind is so unkind to me (& others). Could I have done something different? I imagine so, but I am satisfied with my retreat and taking the war within (where it truly belongs). I consider yesterday a victory.
In a nutshell, I need to be more supportive, understanding, compassionate, and patient. I need to do a better job of communicating. Once again, it starts with me. I am grateful for my conflicts as they show me the way to true healing and progress.
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Thank you, Sarah!