When Saying “No” and Speaking Your Mind Feels Good!

I went through a uncomfortbale–and much too long–phase of being the “Yes” woman. Some people took advantage of the temporary role I played as “that person”. I could be all things to all people at all times (or so I thought). Yes, I’ll be room mom, library volunteer, preschool helper, class auction project go-to-girl, help tutor kids during school hours, bake whatever dessert you please for whatever event you want, watch your kids, and do whatever else you want me to do… No problem. Sure, I’ll set my own personal needs aside to make my house look perfect, cook delicious meals, and attend every social function I’m invited to (even if I don’t want to). And yes, I’ll agree with you to make you happy, tell you what you want to hear so that you’re not upset, or just keep quiet so things stay calm. I’ll keep my own thoughts to myself and internalize my feelings. How healthy does that sound? Not very…

One day, I just couldn’t do it anymore; I had enough. I was tired and feeling taken advantage of. People knew I would say yes because that’s what I did, but what I had loved doing (helping) became a chore and expected of me–I wasn’t having fun anymore. It was my own fault, of course. I let it go too far, and I didn’t set boundaries. Also, I wasn’t feeling like I was being authentic by holding back my true feelings, thoughts, and opinions. Is that really the example I want to set for our girls—to be an un-opinionated martyr. NO! I am a smart woman with thoughts and opinions that are worth saying aloud.

I needed to reorganize my life in a hurry, and I did. I was done with that old way, which was actually not the way I had been growing up. It was time to go back to my spunky, energetic, respectfully opinionated self that I was before I had lost my sparkle.

At first, I felt like a bad mom for not helping at my kids’ school 24/7, but that didn’t last for very long. I still volunteer at school. I’m still head of the Sunshine Committee, chaperone field trips, help with class parties, and bake occasionally, but that’s significantly less than I was doing. It feels GREAT!

I’ve changed in other areas of my life too.

I don’t agree with everyone’s opinions all the time, I don’t stay quiet when I feel strongly about something, and I will say no if I’m not comfortable with something. I respect my own thoughts and needs. I feel so much better!

A great (but sometimes difficult) side effect of being uniquely you is that you will weed out people in your life who don’t have your best interests at heart. If they show that they don’t like that you are honestly trying to be yourself—if they try to hold you back from evolving–they are not on your “team”. It’s good to take that inventory every once in a while. It’s good for other people too, because if you are being honest and don’t play along, they also are forced to be more honest with themselves.

This isn’t me being difficult, this is me realizing that I was going downhill personally and would be of no use to anyone (including myself and my family) if I keep giving, giving, and giving some more without setting boundaries. Also, by not letting my true light shine through in terms of sharing my thoughts and feelings, I was putting myself in danger of losing my sparkle for good. No way—I’m not going to let that happen! Well, it did happen for a time, but I fought my way back to the light. It was a bumpy ride, but I’ve done it and it’s liberating! I would recommend it to anyone!

I think it’s really important to not allow ourselves to be swallowed whole by servicing others. Don’t get me wrong, I think helping people is a great, powerful, and an important thing to do—in healthy doses. Most importantly, I think it’s important to let ourselves shine and service others by being our authentic selves with our unique voice. Life would be bland if we all followed someone else’s queue instead of learning to hear our own true voice, and using it.

It may take time or it may be like a quick switch being turned on; either way, I promise you that you will feel a thousand times better if you let yourself be who you are truly meant to be. It may be a rough road to get to a healthy place, but so worth it! Either way, you are going to piss someone off at some point, so you may as well be authentic and feel good about the way you are living your life. After all, it is YOUR life!

Carpe Diem–Seize the Day!

Picture by The Notebook Doodles

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117 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Mikalee Byerman
    Apr 20, 2011 @ 07:47:26

    LOVE this post — as a former “yes girl,” I can so relate!

    I think the line that most resonated for me is this: “I think it’s really important to not allow ourselves to be swallowed whole by servicing others.” We lose so much of our own identity by quashing ourselves in order to be available for others — others who more often than not do not appreciate us.

    Part of the reason I started my blog about post-divorce healing and embracing our next iterations (and dealing with the inherent craziness of the process!) is right in line with the philosophies you’ve espoused here. Good for you — and good for us!
    :)

    Reply

    • Liz
      Apr 20, 2011 @ 09:29:15

      Hi Mikalee,

      Thank you for your comment. Now, the trick is never slipping back into being the “yes” girl. :)

      Reply

    • Piglet in Portugal
      Apr 21, 2011 @ 00:55:19

      So many of my friends are yes people, they never say no and they never uphold their opinion in a debate. I say to them stop being so spineless…yesterday you told me you did not like to do xxxx why are you doing it today, or agreeing with the argument today? Be strong be yourself!
      Great post!
      PiP

      Reply

  2. lifereconnected
    Apr 20, 2011 @ 07:54:21

    Wow and good for you! I worked in parenting support for many years and I was forever saying that part of everyone’s problem was that we as parent’s were not honest enough about how difficult the job is or honest enough about how we were struggling at times. With the changes you have made you are an excellent role model for your daughters – they are very lucky. And as the previous comment said – good for us!

    Reply

  3. The Simple Life of a Country Man's Wife
    Apr 20, 2011 @ 07:59:32

    Very true! Glad you’re finding your balance in life – enjoy it!

    Reply

  4. It's just a web site man!
    Apr 20, 2011 @ 08:13:07

    Great post. It is important to realize that we cannot help others if we don’t take care of ourselves first. Good job….

    http://ginzotalk.wordpress.com/2011/04/20/real-hope-and-change/

    Reply

  5. Kathryn McCullough
    Apr 20, 2011 @ 08:25:32

    I struggle with the same issue, unfortunately! But congrats on FP-ed. Perhaps part of this lesson might involve not HAVING to respond to every comment, cause traffic can get heavy when you’re Freshly Pressed. Hang on to your boundaries! Do what feels good to YOU!
    Kathy

    Reply

  6. Chase McFadden
    Apr 20, 2011 @ 08:26:57

    Those who are seeking assistance with activities become conditioned to asking the same small pool of volunteers who they know won’t turn them down. It’s hard to say no, but it’s a positive step for all involved. Good for you.

    Reply

  7. Camille
    Apr 20, 2011 @ 08:36:48

    Powerful post! I agree wholeheartedly with a lot of what you’re writing about here. While it’s okay to be helpful and giving, all so often people will take a mile if you give them an inch, so to speak. You have to set boundaries. If you don’t you will get walked all over. Myself, never really been a ‘yes’ woman, but I am at times too giving. For example with my roommates. I would buy olive oil for cooking, well then everyone started to use it, but never replaced it. If you’re going to use something, common courtesy would be to take turns buying and what not. So I became to olive oil supplier for the house- NOT! I set boundaries, I took it away, like you take privileges away from a child, and…it worked. When they realized there was no more olive oil, they (finally) bought some. Little things like that grow into bigger problems. I applaud you for being outspoken even if it means causing a little friction at times. But hey, that’s life right?

    Reply

  8. Sajeevs blog
    Apr 20, 2011 @ 08:52:25

    That is such a positive attitude. I have also been in the same situation and feel it very difficult to say ‘no’. After reading this post, I will try my best to practice doing what I feel is right for me:-)

    Reply

  9. rachaelpinksart
    Apr 20, 2011 @ 08:53:40

    Wise words! it’s much better to be yourself & have one or two really good friends that love & support you than being/pretending to be someone else and having lots of friends… I lost my sparkle & I’m working hard at getting it back!

    Reply

    • Liz
      Apr 20, 2011 @ 09:34:23

      Hi Rachaelpinksart,

      It may take a little time, but we can All get our sparkle back!! I hope you get yours back ASAP! :)

      Reply

  10. She's a Maineiac
    Apr 20, 2011 @ 08:54:34

    Your last paragraph says it all. Good advice!

    Reply

  11. beckyyk
    Apr 20, 2011 @ 09:02:22

    Do what you feel is right. Put yourself first. You go Girl.

    Reply

  12. Rufus' Food and Spirit Guide
    Apr 20, 2011 @ 09:03:00

    Parents are people too! Seriously, I’m not a parent, but I think having your me time is important.

    Reply

  13. beckyspringer
    Apr 20, 2011 @ 09:25:03

    Good for you! Way to take back your life! Very inspirational post :)

    Reply

  14. random tandem
    Apr 20, 2011 @ 09:37:00

    I hope I can live my life this way…I worry that marriage will change me in ways unimaginable, but am glad to know that it’s not the case. Very inspirational!
    Thank you

    Reply

  15. CrystalSpins
    Apr 20, 2011 @ 09:53:33

    Good for you. I’m not a mommy, but I can see how easy this is for so many of us to do. I was getting sucked in at my church. I had to really fight to get away.

    Crystal

    Reply

  16. dorcas
    Apr 20, 2011 @ 09:58:20

    I was once a ‘Yes’ girl too. But once I had this realization, I thought I had every right to say no. I was too happy in this newly found freedom that one day after close to a year, I suddenly realizes, I had become a totally ‘No’ girl.

    I’m in the process of finding my balance now. so, hope you don’t out like me :)

    Reply

    • Liz
      Apr 20, 2011 @ 10:44:46

      Hi Dorcas,

      I can see that happening. I try to think of what I want to do or not do before listening to other people’s opinions–go with my instincts with no outside influences.

      Good luck to you! :)

      Reply

  17. Deborah the Closet Monster
    Apr 20, 2011 @ 10:06:35

    I saw this title and thought with a giggle, “All the time!” My siblings used to say that the best thing about having me as a sister was learning that you could love someone a lot . . . and disagree with them a lot.

    I read the entry and cheered. It definitely hasn’t been as easy to be forthright in the post-teenage years as it was when I had no real responsibilities and obligations. I was having a really hard time walking that balance as a noob contract negotiator, when my manager/mentor set me down and talked to me about “setting expectations.” If I kept letting people think I could take on more and more and more and more, what would happen when I couldn’t? I resisted her lesson for several months, but with time and practice, was pleased to see that “expectation setting” became second nature.

    I run into folks who go, “Wow, she’s brusque!” because I want to be up front about what I can and cannot give. It just saves so much time and headache down the road!

    Rock on, and thanks for sharing your experiences–and helping others to see the goodness that can come from saying “no”!

    Reply

    • Liz
      Apr 20, 2011 @ 10:47:10

      Hi Deborah,

      I completely agree with you about “expectation setting”–with everyone in every area of my life. It takes a lot of pressure off to not feel the need to be everything to everyone! Good for you.

      Reply

  18. andydbrown
    Apr 20, 2011 @ 10:07:00

    Great post and worthy of being freshly pressed!. I can totally relate to what you wrote as I was a “yes man” for most of my life; a doormat; feeling I needed to be a pleaser of men. I suggest you add “boundaries” or “setting boundaries) to your tag list as this is a major issue that you address here.
    Thanks for the sweet post. I’m going to have to take a look at your other posts as I’m sure we dads could also benefit from “secretsofmoms”! :-)

    Reply

    • Liz
      Apr 20, 2011 @ 10:49:11

      Hi Andy,

      Thank you for the recommendation! I’m going to add that tag right now. Yes, please do look around and share Secrets of moms with your friends too. :)

      Reply

  19. forceinvisible
    Apr 20, 2011 @ 10:23:49

    I too, am a former YES girl, but I grew out of it. I doubt it really matters why we are or were yes people. The way to best serve people you care about is to take care of yourself first. It seems to be some sort of fabricated sin to say ‘I come first if not, everything I’m trying to do for everyone else won’t work.

    Reply

  20. Karyn
    Apr 20, 2011 @ 10:30:38

    I resonated with the losing friends who will not let you evolve. They need you at their beck and call. When you start saying “no,” they have to change as well. Good post and congrats on being freshly pressed.

    Reply

  21. MathematicalMagician
    Apr 20, 2011 @ 10:48:59

    Reply

  22. Janet
    Apr 20, 2011 @ 10:54:06

    The older you get, the easier it gets to say no. Also you feel freer to say, “No, dammit!”. Old age gives so much freedom.

    Reply

  23. Chris
    Apr 20, 2011 @ 11:10:09

    It’s great to give, and it’s even better to live balanced. However, it’s THE BEST when you can adjust and appreciate your life in a way that allows you to be the best person that you can be! :)

    Reply

    • Cynthia
      Apr 20, 2011 @ 17:27:35

      I like this comment. It’s not just about saying ‘No’. If God gave you the gift of helps (1Cor12:28), it’s a blessed wonderful feeling to be able to do things for others (Acts20:35, Heb13:16) BUT we dont set aside ourselves and as Chris says, BALANCE should be key, we dont forget to love ourselves too :)

      I like your post, go girl!

      Reply

  24. Brandon
    Apr 20, 2011 @ 11:11:31

    constantly saying ‘yes’ to others means that you might be saying ‘no’ to yourself more than you would like

    Reply

  25. liam
    Apr 20, 2011 @ 11:11:41

    hi, I’m Liam Pearson, keep doing what you are doing because you could help moms and dads with their problems with their kids, so make more.
    well done.

    Reply

  26. I Made You A Mixtape
    Apr 20, 2011 @ 12:12:27

    Wow! You have cut back on all your activities and you still do more than most moms that I know! Good for you for realising you could not go on the way you did- that’s strength!

    Reply

  27. neuo8324
    Apr 20, 2011 @ 12:20:00

    It is always difficult to know when to give or take. The result is balanced only when you are happy with your decision.
    Our decisions result in happiness or wisery. This all comes from the mind.
    We all learn through experience.

    Reply

  28. brandonandbella.wordpress.com
    Apr 20, 2011 @ 12:44:43

    haha that was great. I need to get my fiance to read this!

    Reply

  29. Howlin' Mad Heather
    Apr 20, 2011 @ 13:21:40

    Terrific post, deservedly FP. It’s a never-ending struggle as a woman, isn’t it? I think we all could learn a lesson in assertiveness. Thanks!

    Reply

  30. Robert
    Apr 20, 2011 @ 13:24:04

    Thanks for the post. I know this is directed to women, but great advice for everyone!! I know it rang true for me as well. Congrats on FP as well!!!

    Reply

  31. Lakia Gordon
    Apr 20, 2011 @ 13:51:09

    Enjoyed reading your post and especially liked the notebook doodle!! Thanks for sharing :)

    Reply

  32. Eva McCane
    Apr 20, 2011 @ 13:56:32

    I love your recipes and blogs! I’m just getting over being the “yes” woman. Difficult, but liberating!

    Reply

  33. Amber
    Apr 20, 2011 @ 13:56:57

    Hi! I’m glad you’re strong and stay your ground! It’s hard to say No but it’s better to say what we feel than to be who we’re not. Doctor Demartini has an article about saying No on his website and that helped me a lot. :)

    Reply

  34. kazminthibault
    Apr 20, 2011 @ 14:05:45

    Awe! What a great reminder! I am still a “yes” girl, and have been refining myself as more of a NO girl, when I want to say NO. NO pleaser here..I am still a servant of God, but also protecting my life as well. THank you for a great read!

    Reply

  35. Divya Ramamoorthy
    Apr 20, 2011 @ 14:12:41

    Being someone who used to say “Yes” ALL the time, I understand what you have been through and all I can say is congratulations and keep this new phase going!

    Reply

  36. Alicia
    Apr 20, 2011 @ 14:15:10

    This is exactly why I started to blog, someone told me that if you start talking/writing about the things that bother you, you may come across some clarity through someone else. I was and still am still a “YES” person with my daughter and her husband because it is the only way I can see my grand babies. I don’t know what to do.

    Reply

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  40. ThingsYouRealizeAfterYouGetMarried
    Apr 20, 2011 @ 15:00:14

    Being yourself, regardless of what others think of you, is EXTREMELY hard to do, but so vitally IMPORTANT!!! Quite simply everyone should all do this, because it’s YOUR life and you should live it the way you want.

    I struggle with this all the time too. Thanks for sharing your story :)

    Reply

  41. Mackenzie | Red Roan Chronicles
    Apr 20, 2011 @ 15:50:17

    Great blog. I’m struggling with this myself right now, just taking on too many projects all the time and trying too hard to be helpful. And when you’re trying to do too much, you don’t do ANY of it well, much less have any time for yourself. I hope I’ll also soon be writing a blog about taking some of my time back! :D

    Reply

  42. letters2thedead
    Apr 20, 2011 @ 15:53:11

    GREAT post! First time reading your blog, but I’ve been touching on the same subjects of finding a balance and introducing change in a positive way….Again, great post!

    Reply

  43. fornormalstepfathers
    Apr 20, 2011 @ 16:28:44

    As a teenager I was subscribing to a magazine that had a lot of articles about music, pretty photos and how-to-self-help advice. I still remember how excited my Mom was when she read an article in it “Learn to say No!” Back then, I did not really understand why it was such a great revelation for her and was definitely flattered that my magazine is read by my Mom too :-)

    It helped her immensely! One of the advice there was not to feel guilty if you feel like saying no – it is more honest to say no than agree to do something and feel angry about that.

    Great post!

    Reply

  44. Patrice
    Apr 20, 2011 @ 16:46:37

    I love stories about empowerment and transformation, so thank you for sharing yours. Learning the sky will not fall if you tell people no is such an amazing lesson to learn.

    Reply

  45. Scope
    Apr 20, 2011 @ 16:48:06

    Beautiful mum. Go ahead and say No. :)

    Reply

  46. greenlightgirl
    Apr 20, 2011 @ 17:01:30

    Your post couldn’t be more timely for me. I was saying “yes” far too many times in order to be the people pleaser that I had become post divorce. I was so wounded at the time and literally numb. As I started to heal I was able, much like you to find the rowdy, spunky, fun, self-assured woman I’d somehow lost in bits. I’m still mending what the shrapnel tore though, but I am healing.

    When I finally started saying no and sometimes maybe, I was surprised that at times, having to say “no” multiple times! Seems that when you start saying no the others might not be listening. I was stunned by how people would simply reword their original question to see if they would then get a “yes.”

    Great post and keep up the balance that keeps you your authentic you!

    Reply

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  48. Ava Aston's Muckery
    Apr 20, 2011 @ 17:22:36

    Congrats on being Freshly Yes ‘d …No, I mean Freshly No’d wait that is not right either…I mean congrats on being Freshly Pressed.

    We all have the desire to help others but if we spend all of our time helping others who will help us? Great insightful post. Thanks for sharing.

    Blessings,

    Ava
    xox

    Reply

  49. successisthebestrevenge
    Apr 20, 2011 @ 17:33:54

    You have to do you. I have to do me. You cannot lose your self. You cannot neglect yourself. If you do not take care of self; you will not be effective in any parts of your life. You have the right to say no and feel good about it. As long as your “no” does not bring detriment nor harm; you should feel great. Sometimes; we have to understand why we are not strong enough within to say no. What factors lead us to say yes when we should not. It is a wonderful thing to be able to say yes or no. It is even better when you understand and are comfortable with your yes or no.

    Reply

  50. "D"
    Apr 20, 2011 @ 17:49:38

    < Put's her hand up" – Another former "yes" girl here. The hardest part is riding the rough ride that family gives you when you begin to say no. It's so difficult to see the ones you love give you such a hard time, so many guilt trips and flawed logic thrown at you simply because you choose to say "no, I won't be involved in this thank you". Love you post. Warm wishes.

    Reply

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  52. Gloria
    Apr 20, 2011 @ 17:57:41

    Wow, I’ve never related to a post MORE. I used to be so much more outgoing fun and crazy. But I got into this weird thinking (a wrongly twisted Christian idea.) that I am not supposed to be who I am but rather suppress myself to be ‘like Jesus’. And give myself away and always do exactly what people want of me. So I became what people wanted – not who I was. The truth is that God made us differently -sometimes opinionated, crazy, fun, and full of life. He likes it like that! And He wants to use people like us, just the way we are and to be His vessel. I feel like this post is helping liberate me to rip the inside of me and let it out… JUST BE REAL.

    Thanks again,
    -Glow

    Reply

  53. metrocakegirl
    Apr 20, 2011 @ 18:06:16

    Fantastic blog! I look forward to reading more.

    Reply

  54. acleansurface
    Apr 20, 2011 @ 19:05:36

    Hurrah for sparkle, and for standing up for yourself and being honest!

    Reply

  55. Bethany Culpepper
    Apr 20, 2011 @ 19:14:52

    You mean, it’s not just me? Seriously, it’s nice to be reminded about what’s important – staying true. Thanks!

    Reply

  56. Lila Francis Caldwell-Bennett
    Apr 20, 2011 @ 19:30:13

    It’s interesting because I just posted a post almost just like this one, about trying to please everyone else and then not pleasing yourself. Thanks so much for posting!

    Reply

  57. Adelaide Devereaux
    Apr 20, 2011 @ 19:50:34

    Liz,

    I just wanted to start by saying “Thank You” for such a awesome blog. I know that I have definitely said “yes” to others more than I should have. Unfortunately, I think that the “Yes Syndrome” is something that a lot of women suffer from but not too many want to admit to. As women we aim to please. And while this is okay, it is something that we need to keep balanced with a healthy amounts of no”. The key to happiness and peace of mind in our lives is balance. This is truly something that I struggle with daily because I want to be-it-all and do-it-all but I am only one woman who needs to needs to put her family (and occasionally herself) first. I have learned my lesson the hard way but in the end it was worth it considering how happy and balanced I am right now in my life.

    Sincerely,
    Adelaide

    Reply

  58. rtcrita
    Apr 20, 2011 @ 19:59:07

    I am happy for you to have found your true authentic self again. It does feel good, doesn’t it? It seems we can lose ourself to different degrees so easily in the many roles we have in life as different situations occur–motherhood, marriage, jobs, etc. And we all have our breaking point where we just finally have to say “enough is enough!”
    It’s also funny how the more we say “no” when we simply can’t or don’t want to even, the more confidence we find in ourselves to say those words and not feel guilty about it anymore. You are doing what is best for you so that you can be the best person possible in every aspect of your life. Hurray for you!

    Reply

  59. Positivb
    Apr 20, 2011 @ 20:16:02

    When we say ‘yes’ to people we automatically think we are doing the right thing by them. Guess what? It’s not the right thing if it doesn’t feel right to you. We just bottle up the frustration and resentment we feel from saying yes until it comes out. In the long run staying true to yourself is the best thing you can do for those around you.

    Reply

  60. whenwordstakeflight
    Apr 20, 2011 @ 20:22:11

    This post really resonated with me – thanks for sharing. Much needed encouragement and reminder!

    Reply

  61. wonderyan88
    Apr 20, 2011 @ 20:31:40

    Well my situation is a little different, my first response in my mind would say no, and then say yes. Even I did not want to do that. I just do not know why my first reaction is No.
    Things become better now, I just follow the necessory situation and then make a decision, very easy.
    Anyway, thank you for this post.

    Reply

  62. wonderyan88
    Apr 20, 2011 @ 20:31:49

    Well my situation was a little different, my first response in my mind would say no, and then say yes. Even I did not want to do that. I just do not know why my first reaction is No.
    Things become better now, I just follow the necessory situation and then make a decision, very easy.
    Anyway, thank you for this post.

    Reply

  63. Trackback: When Saying “No” and Speaking Your Mind Feels Good! (via Secrets of Moms Who Dare To Tell All) | day-to-day-notes
  64. refinelubis
    Apr 20, 2011 @ 20:34:40

    I agree totally with you LIZ, i was in the same situation a lot of times too until i take my own stand and fly free like a bird. i repost this on my blog! thank you so much for sharing!

    Reply

  65. Harold
    Apr 20, 2011 @ 20:55:24

    Congrats on finding yourself again and on being FP! A very good read, it could help many!

    Reply

  66. sarahnsh
    Apr 20, 2011 @ 21:40:47

    I’m one of the bluntest people you will meet, luckily enough people tend to find me funny if I am blunt so I get away with a lot. But, I’m so happy you have your sparkle and you are letting it shine! Be yourself and be proud of it, because who you are is uniquely you and you should never change for anyone.

    Reply

  67. pure2core
    Apr 20, 2011 @ 21:47:56

    superb article indeed, the art of expression doesn’t to all ,though many have the same thoughts and convictions in their core mind . Hats of to your clarity in words . wishing you a happy blogging.

    Reply

  68. pure2core
    Apr 20, 2011 @ 21:59:51

    superb article indeed, the art of expression doesn’t come to all ,though many have the same thoughts and convictions in their core mind . Hats of to your clarity in words . wishing you a happy blogging.

    Reply

  69. Carla Altland
    Apr 20, 2011 @ 22:17:29

    I had to set boundaries as well and say no much more often and it has helped me as well to be true to myself and much more joy too! Thanks for this blog!! keep on writing>>> a great encouragement to us out here in blog land. sincerely, carla

    Reply

  70. leadinglight
    Apr 21, 2011 @ 00:16:41

    I’ve suffered from being an yes person too. I have since become more confident to say the no word.

    Reply

  71. Abby
    Apr 21, 2011 @ 01:03:16

    I had a situation where I said no, and spoke my mind recently, and it felt soooo good to be proactive and take care of my own heart instead of being at the mercy of someone else’s whims.

    Reply

  72. Ali Harfoush
    Apr 21, 2011 @ 02:17:44

    In your life, you meet people. Some you never think about again. Some, you
    wonder what happened to them. There are some that you wonder if they ever think about you. And then there are some you wish you never had to think about again.

    Reply

  73. True escapist
    Apr 21, 2011 @ 02:21:47

    I love your post Liz! I’m a yes girl, but I’ve tried to say no yet it bugs my consciousness… Thank u for your great advice!

    Reply

  74. mitasha
    Apr 21, 2011 @ 04:21:33

    it’s a feel good thing, I was a “yes ” person, very popular, one fine morning decided to say no, result definitely less popular, but never mind having good time in life.

    Reply

  75. arosedavidson
    Apr 21, 2011 @ 04:37:48

    I’ve truly loved your post! Yes, it’s so good to say what we want to say, with that thought of “I don’t care what others will think about it!”. Honestly, we’ll all feel that need, at some point of our life.

    Sometimes – I must confess – I’m a “yes” person, because I’m honestly aware that people exclude a person for thinking differently from mainstream. Yet, when I feel confident enough, I do scream my heart out, and don’t care about anything else!

    Thank you so much for your testimony and advices! :)

    Reply

  76. jsbjr
    Apr 21, 2011 @ 04:37:49

    Great to hear about positive changes you make to improve your life and self esteem. I wonder how much of this “Yes” trait, described also as a “pleasing” or “selfless giving” trait, comes from nature vs. nurture. How do we, you and I, get to the point of putting everyone and their needs ahead of our own? I would like to think that I have such a high value on life, people, and happiness that I will do anything possible to support all of the above. My bi-polar side says, I have no self esteem and low self value and thus place higher importance on others needs over mine.
    I choose to take the positive point of view and include me in the valuable group. And learn to balance and say no. All the best to you.

    Reply

  77. broadsideblog
    Apr 21, 2011 @ 05:33:27

    Great post….so many women have so much difficulty with this issue. I don’t have kids and think parents face terrible peer pressure (esp. from stay-at-home moms with a lot more time) to be or do what they are doing…to keep up.
    Crazy!

    The word “no” is a complete sentence. Everyone needs to respect those of us able to say it and mean it. We do mean it.

    Reply

  78. mypajamadays
    Apr 21, 2011 @ 05:34:16

    This is the plight of so many of us stay-at-home moms. So many times I’ve heard myself think, “well, I don’t work outside the home so maybe I should say yes”. Big hugs to you and I agree, as a mother of two girls, I want to set an example that will help them strive for personal excellence and life long satisfaction. I want them to be authentic and achieve whatever dreams they have set for themselves. Congrats on being Freshly Pressed.

    Emily

    Reply

  79. Please help me
    Apr 21, 2011 @ 05:57:36

    Please for humanity’s sake please do it once
    I have made a blog at blogger.com Since i have added a google adsense in the blog but haven’t made a penny with this. I need your help and support to help me make some money to PAY MY Tuition Fees.

    What you have to do is follow these simple steps

    1.go to http://kwotz2011.blogspot.com/
    2.Remain on the page i.e Kwotz for one minute or so and do some random surfing
    3. click ONE of the ads that APPEALS to you from Ads by Google boxes and visit there.
    4.remain on that page for one minute or so and do some random surfing.
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    Note: Only ONE click is needed. If I ever ask you again for the click please never ever click again.
    I will be grateful to you.
    I really need your help

    Reply

  80. charlie nitric
    Apr 21, 2011 @ 05:57:51

    Hi Liz – Oh I can relate. What I’ve discovered during those periods in my life where I had become a “yes” guy, I usually helped or became subserviant to people who really didn’t need my assistance. Those folks, and they can also be children, were users and/or just lazy. We must accurately identify the difference between people who truly NEED our help and those who just WANT our help. You know, sometimes when we help others we end up hurting that individual more than helping them. I believe we call this “enabling.” I enjoyed your blog and page. I will bookmark you as I am a new blogger, and new to blogging. Yup. I’m a 5-day old blog virgin, lol. Enjoy your Thursday. :)
    https://charlienitric.wordpress.com/

    Reply

  81. vito rocker
    Apr 21, 2011 @ 06:26:56

    good mom….

    Reply

  82. loustar02
    Apr 21, 2011 @ 06:28:00

    Great post. Your focus on living life for you as you (the real you and not some strange perception of you think you ought to be) is spot on and so powerful to read of your success from the struggles.

    I’m touched by your understanding of needing to be a great role model to your children. Good for you!

    Reply

  83. Rasha
    Apr 21, 2011 @ 06:34:18

    this is inspiring, and so true! I had a similar experience but still fighting for my true self to shine and get to the surface!

    Reply

  84. harpersfarm
    Apr 21, 2011 @ 06:44:22

    I have been a “yes” girl my whole life. As I am getting older, though, I am starting to realize that I need to change that in order to be more happy in my own life. I am taking baby steps, but with almost 33 years working against me, it is going to be a long and hard road. Thank you for the inspiration! Great post!

    Reply

  85. Boots & Pearls
    Apr 21, 2011 @ 06:47:17

    Did I write this post? LOL! Wow, this describes something I have FINALLY realized in my life as well, and I couldn’t have said it better myself!!!

    THANK YOU so much for sharing!!!

    Reply

  86. saltandnectar
    Apr 21, 2011 @ 07:01:54

    Isn’t it wonderful and freeing to learn the art of saying “no”? I think women especially struggle with this, so it’s wonderful that you shared your evolution to remind others that everything turns out okay, and usually for the better, if we honor ourselves by being the truest versions of ourselves. Cheers on being FP!

    Reply

  87. theamberlight
    Apr 21, 2011 @ 08:34:33

    Weel timed and so very spot on! Congrats on learning to find, incorporate and stick to your boundaries. Too much of anything is not healthy for our Human Being. Balance is required to get The Best life the Universe has in store for us. I am going to re-post this on my blog and tie it to my Energy Flow Report. The energy we are experiencing right now is MOST supportive of making this type of change in our life. Looking at who and what relationships are working and which ones need to go or be revamped is a perfect activity right now. Congrats on Freshly Pressed. I can’t wait to read some of your other blogs! Well written too! Have a great Day :) AmberLena

    Reply

  88. brad
    Apr 21, 2011 @ 08:52:44

    I totally agree. It’s seems easier just to say yes but people take advantage of that or they are just clueless and insensitive. I’m happy for you. saying No can be a powerful thing. makes you feel in control and it’s not about not wanting to help because you know in your heart that you want to but sometimes you just need to think about yourself as well. we all need to love ourselves- though in moderation. great post!

    Reply

  89. WebContentLyrics
    Apr 21, 2011 @ 11:04:40

    Awesome post.

    Reply

  90. diet4slender1
    Apr 21, 2011 @ 20:19:07

    I struggle with the same issue, unfortunately! But congrats on FP-ed. Perhaps part of this lesson might involve not HAVING to respond to every comment, cause traffic can get heavy when you’re Freshly Pressed. Hang on to your boundaries! Do what feels good to YOU!
    Kathy

    Reply

  91. yingyingxue
    Apr 22, 2011 @ 00:34:25

    lovely babies,pretty mom

    Reply

  92. casual shoes manufacturer, sandals manufacturer, safety shoes manufacturer
    Apr 22, 2011 @ 01:20:34

    Wow and good for you! I worked in parenting support for many years and I was forever saying that part of everyone’s problem was that we as parent’s were not honest enough about how difficult the job is or honest enough about how we were struggling at times. With the changes you have made you are an excellent role model for your daughters – they are very lucky. And as the previous comment said – good for us!

    Reply

  93. traceygjones
    Apr 22, 2011 @ 17:27:25

    loved your honesty. i’m afraid i’m the opposite– the mom that never says “yes”…. i’m actually trying to open myself up to my husband, my children, and life outside of my 4 walls. could volunteering at school really be THAT bad??! so, thank you for showing — everything in moderation– both yes AND no…..

    Reply

  94. thor27
    Apr 23, 2011 @ 11:07:07

    I read freshly pressed almost daily
    Check out my blog sometime.
    “Whatcha need Got you covered in Northwest Houston,Tx.”

    Reply

  95. realanonymousgirl2011
    Apr 23, 2011 @ 15:37:49

    Good for you! That’s a hard thing to change. I still have problems with speaking my mind and staying quiet to avoid arguments. I’m just not a conflict driven person.

    Reply

  96. abhishek
    Apr 24, 2011 @ 08:25:31

    very right its important to say no otherwise people take advantage of you

    Reply

  97. ทัวร์เกาหลี,ทัวร์จีน,ทัวร์ยุโรป
    Apr 25, 2011 @ 02:37:42

    Wow and good for you! I worked in parenting support for many years and I was forever saying that part of everyone’s problem was that we as parent’s were not honest enough about how difficult the job is or honest enough about how we were struggling at times. With the changes you have made you are an excellent role model for your daughters – they are very lucky. And as the previous comment said – good for us!

    Reply

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    Apr 26, 2011 @ 00:27:19

    I just wanted to start by saying “Thank You” for such a awesome blog. I know that I have definitely said “yes” to others more than I should have. Unfortunately, I think that the “Yes Syndrome” is something that a lot of women suffer from but not too many want to admit to. As women we aim to please. And while this is okay, it is something that we need to keep balanced with a healthy amounts of no”. The key to happiness and peace of mind in our lives is balance. This is truly something that I struggle with daily because I want to be-it-all and do-it-all but I am only one woman who needs to needs to put her family (and occasionally herself) first. I have learned my lesson the hard way but in the end it was worth it considering how happy and balanced I am right now in my life.

    Reply

  99. Roxanne
    Apr 26, 2011 @ 18:15:24

    Liz, you are right on. My three girls are at/nearing adulthood now, and I’m in the throes of menopause… which is another great opportunity to learn assertiveness! Hopefully I’ve given my daughters a good role model to follow, in being true to themselves… sounds like you are doing that as well. Good on ya!

    Reply

  100. Sharon
    Apr 27, 2011 @ 21:28:26

    I totally agree with what you are talking about. My family was super dependent on me to the point it helped destroy my first marriage. When I got remarried, my husband told me I needed to get my moms cell phone out of my name. Quit bonding her and my sister out of jail if they don’t pay their speeding tickets. Finally to stop loaning her $20 every week after she gets paid only for her to pay me back the next week and then borrow it again the week after. I thought about this and how crazy this was. What man is going to sit around and put up with this? I had to start my plan. Oh they weren’t happy about it at first but I explained that it was time to cut the umbilical cord. They blamed my new husband at first, was mad at him but they soon got over it. I still “loan” mommy some money every 3 or 4 months but I decided this is one small detail I can forget to tell my husband. I know this is bad-wife stuff but I just can’t leave my mom hanging when she only earns 8$ an hour. I totally enjoy the freedom and I don’t feel the stress of that aspect anymore. I just want to say Rock on with your bad self!

    Reply

  101. wifemom&writer
    Apr 29, 2011 @ 15:41:36

    I have always been opinionated, I like to tell myself that I wasn’t ever TOO opinionated and that everyone likes to hear the truth but I know there were a few times that I stepped on someone’s toes. So I stopped, I became a yes woman as well and found out (not to my surprise) that it wasn’t me. Since then I have realized that I can be who I am while at the same time watching what I say. I can tell people yes without letting them walk all over me like you said!

    Reply

  102. Trackback: When Saying “No” and Speaking Your Mind Feels Good! (via Secrets of Moms Who Dare To Tell All) « Abominations
  103. Liz
    May 03, 2011 @ 11:22:51

    Hi, everyone.

    Thank you all for your comments! That was a fun day on Freshly Pressed.

    If you know any women who struggle with female health issues please check this new post out and pass it along! It’s called, “PMS, Post Pregnancy Hormone Hell, Weight Gain & Disease ~ My Struggle To Be Healthy Again.”

    Here is the link:
    http://secretsofmoms.com/2011/05/03/pms-post-pregnancy-hormone-hell-weight-gain-disease-my-struggle-to-be-healthy-again/

    Thank you!!
    Liz

    Reply

  104. Mary
    May 04, 2011 @ 15:28:15

    We all relate too well! It’s a good feeling to take back your life, and I’ve thought too about how my children see me living, and want them to grow up knowing they don’t have to do everything. I’m doing a mom series this week and posted on Mothering in Seasons yesterday: http://jarmanfamilyblog.blogspot.com/2011/05/mothering-in-seasons.html

    Reply

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    May 25, 2011 @ 23:57:41

    I hope I can live my life this way…I worry that marriage will change me in ways unimaginable, but am glad to know that it’s not the case. Very inspirational!
    Thank you

    Reply

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