I’ve been asking the wrong question all along. Virtually every night, as I’m curled into Allen’s chest, his arms wrapped tight around me, I listen for the quieting of his heart and the subsequent lapse of time in our conversation. To keep his company for maybe just five more minutes, I whisper this request; “tell me something.”
“How annoying!!” you’re probably thinking. And maybe he does, too. But for as many nights as we’ve shared, he’s never balked at entertaining my request. His answers always range, based on how sleepy he is:
“You are beautiful.”
“What do you want to know, babe?”… At which point I can start talking and talking…
“I like hearing you laugh.”
…. (cripes. nothing. already asleep.)
“I’m thankful to be spending life with you.”
“I love your tiny breasts.”
“I am proud of you.”
“Is there something on your mind?”
I kiss him and we doze.
But tonight I requested something different: What do you love about us?
Quiet. And then….
“I love that there is no tension between us.”
A charge runs through me. That is profound. That makes me satisfied. I want to hear more! But instead, I listen for him to fall asleep, and I’m left thanking my lucky stars.
With Allen working from home, and the rest of his family (myself, and our three) upstairs in the kitchen schooling daily; you could assume there’s some tension. But there’s not. I’m raising up his little guy, and he’s raising up my little girls, we’ve got exes–and you would think that there’s some tension, but there’s not. We hardly have any alone time together, and I’m such a huge advocate of putting the kids first, so you’d totally assume there’s tension, but there’s not. We’re surviving on one income and he hates my dog…tension? No…there’s not.
A perfect match? Well no, silly. But what there is, is a definite respect. A love beyond reason. Unconditional aside from understanding. Mutual desire for the others happiness, despite personal sacrifices. And always, best the remedy–laughter.
Why on earth am I telling you this? Because YOU mama, deserve to live without tension, too. Whether it be within your very own soul, or the tie that binds you to an unhealthy relationship; you, sweet mama, deserve life without strife. You may be curled into a lovely partner, and I am so thankful. But, for those of us who are not so lucky, please know your worthy of peace, and I applaud your acceptance of it.