People who don’t know me very well, think I am a very patient person. Let me tell you right now: I have zero patience and it’s a problem—my problem. I’ve trained myself to keep my impatience under control and to appear calm, cool, and collected. I definitely have much more patience for children than I do adults. I want to be patient. I try hard, but under the surface, I can feel my impatience brewing, waiting, and wanting.
I’m not a brat. I swear. I’m a nice person. I do “act” patient with my kids, family, friends, and acquaintances most of the time. My impatience is just some weird glitch I’ve had since I was a kid. My mom thought I would outgrow it after having children, and she was genuinely surprised when that never happened.
It’s not that I act outwardly impatient towards people and situations; It’s just that I’m completely freaking out inside.
I’m thinking things like:
“How long does it take to get dressed and put your shoes on?”
“Make up your mind!”
“Just do what I asked you to do.”
“Why is this or that taking so long?”
“Say what you want to say. Don’t dance around it—just be direct!”
“Doesn’t that driver know that he/she can get a ticket for driving that slow?”
“I don’t have time for this!”
And, sometimes I just want to scream, “Listen so-and-so, you are seriously getting on my last nerve!” But, I don’t say it. I take a deep breath and move on.
I think it has something to do with having a Type A personality. Someone once nicknamed me, Triple A. I’m not that bad anymore. I do have another side that is totally relaxed. So, I know I am capable of it. I become go with the flow, adventure, fun, silly, lounge around, relaxed, patient lady. That’s vacation me, or out with adults only me, or playing outside with the kids being active me, or summertime me, or reading books with kids me. I always slow down for hugs and snuggles. Why can’t that be me all the time?
In my day-to-day life, I’m usually on a mission to accomplish something…more like several things. I know it affects the kids. Rush here, do that, and hurry, hurry, hurry. I need to relax. The kids have soccer, ballet, piano, horse riding, skiing, or whatever it happens to be that season. It exhausting and can be stressful. Maybe I should just pretend life is a complete party and forget about all the goals and responsibilities I have. That will never happen…Honestly; sometimes I think my impatience is a good thing because it fuels my fire to reach my goals. Hmm.
Maybe it’s all about balance. If I can infuse a little more relaxed me into impatient me, that would be awesome! That’s what I’m going to work on. That will be my new goal. I’ll see how that works out. Now, if I can just be patient with myself in reaching that new goal–that would be fantastic!
Can you relate? Do you have patience problems? Have you always been patient? Do you feel like you became more or less patient after having kids? Did you train yourself to be patient? How did you do it? Do you feel pressure and stress from all your kids’ activities? Do you feel too busy? Are you so relaxed that you feel like you are too relaxed?